Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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