I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I looked at my own cervix.
where does the pee come out of this thing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have aggressive nipples.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wear drunk well.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
