Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Even my vagina gasped.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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