I'm going to jail i love you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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