Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
