A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
