Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
