apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
nutella sex= disaster
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Randomize
