He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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