Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im at strip club and am horny
Acid is not a monday night drug
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
