I've blown a few things in my day
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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