The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
