why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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