drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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