are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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