You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
