Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
