I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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