Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
