I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
