She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
