it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
