you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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