Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
