I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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