My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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