Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
