And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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