yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
