ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
