I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sober January is a disaster.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
