That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
