i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
