What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
