It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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