Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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