u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
