I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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