How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
