Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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