I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
