things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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