apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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