I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
