We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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