just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
