Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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