he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
