i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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