I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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