So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
