so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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