Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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