dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
