There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I woke up under a house in Key West
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